On The Hunt For Discipline


After more than a month of placing titles on a few bare drafts and choosing to watch ASMR videos [-really good if you have a hard time sleeping!] over writing, I'm finally putting my second post on here. With the new year comes my birthday, which has been somewhat of a nervous, discomforting, and lonesome day for the past few years. I can't really say why. I somehow expect to wake up to find myself in the opening number of a hip and fresh multi Tony award-winning musical, where I get to eat ganache icing cake all day, and everyone has the whole day off just to sing along with me. Fast forward out of my daydream and into real life where the day was so basic, I can't even write anything about it.

BUT, what was cool about my birthday was that I used it as a day to start a project I've been wanting to do for a while now, but have never followed through with, which is to take a photograph every day for a year. Appropriatley dubbed photo a day, or 365 photo, or some other self-explanatory moniker, the point is to challenge yourself to form a purposeful habit every day. [Search hashtags on instagram, flickr, or other social sites to see some cool photos.] Specifically with this challenge, you may become a better photographer, be thankful of the little things, become more patient, learn a new skill, etc. For me, I need all of those things right now in my very disenabled state.

What sort of led me to really committing to this challenge is the realization of needing a new discipline. As a music performance student, I practiced clarinet [almost] every day each semester. I don't really know why, but something about having that one constant in my day, no matter however my mood reflected, was somehow rewarding. It was a personalized activity, sometimes therapeutic, sometimes just to tick off my to-do list, a lot of times to please my teacher, sometimes to convince myself that I was becoming a better musician, but overall it was my thing. Like, yah, if I didn't practice, my teacher would chew me out and I would forego an excruciating lesson, but like, still, being able to choose to do it, and then actually do it daily was my thing. And the thing about practicing was it was a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge discipline which I don't think many people understand unless they are an artist of some sort. Taking that time to refine your craft is so tedious, but when you do it right, it's so rewarding. It's the perfectionist's curse, but somehow we keep doing it.

So after 6 months of not doing my practice routine, I've become super fidgety. I'm no longer reading my Bible everyday or spending time with God for that matter, I no longer have a job, no longer nothing. I've been yearning for some creative flow of some sort. Enter the decision to take the plunge into photo a day. I deleted all the pics on my instagram account, renamed the account 'something.beautiful' and starting posting photos with the hashtag of what day I was on. I'm only on #day4, and excited to keep on going. I know there are challenges that come with discipline, such as staying with it, committing to it, learning from it, putting your feelings aside of the craft, knowing when you're overindulging, and when to take a break. But I'm hoping that I'll be able to overall learn more about a different art form, be more thankful to god for the life he's given me and the world he's put me in, and to form new habits from this.

I came up with the title 'something.beautiful' from a prayer my mum said the other night. We did a devotion on finding God's beauty all around us, and how humans need beauty, because of the power it has in making a difference in how we go about our lives. The passage was Ecclesiastes 3:9-14, of which verse 11 is the inspo for something.beautiful:

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Check out something.beautiful on my insta -->